By the way: I am Single

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05 Mar, 19 08:50
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A woman is being treated in our society with lots of discrimination. It's difficult for a single woman to live in our society with respect.

We become so insensitive towards a woman who lives on her own terms. Sometimes we violate every rule while talking about her personal life.Aasma is a single mother. She works in a Bank. Her only daughter is 15 years old. Aasma shared some of her horrifying experiences with me recently. Her story motivated me to right on this subject. She was divorced few years back. She chose to live alone with her daughter.

Aasma's female colleagues don't invite her to their homes. When I tried to know the reason behind this, Aasma became emotional. I know her from past 15 years. I never saw her in such a bad mental state. She was strong enough to say no to her husband when he tried to sexually abuse her. She said no when her own relatives came forward and tried to stop her from taking divorce. In their opinion ,Aasma was over reacting. She did not had any idea about her future. After all she was mother of a daughter. She needs a man in her life who could protect her from devils. Aasma could not control her temper and stood against every evil. She knew that the real devil was her husband who was forcing her to share bed with his boss to get promotion.But why was she behaving like this today? Why she had tears in her eyes? Is she repenting on her decision of living alone?

There were many questions in my mind and I wanted to have all the answers.

When I compelled her to speak, she did not hide anything but her pain even melted my strong heart. Actually I am a single mother too.Aasma gets no invitation from her colleagues. Her neighbors keep safe distance from her. No no...please don't think that she is HIV positive or suffering from any contagious disease. She is a single woman and this is her only crime. Actually Aasma's colleagues can not take risk of inviting her. After all they are married women and their Suhags (husbands) may get distracted to see her. Aasma is beautiful and intelligent but these traits make her even more suspicious. I know she was very much in her senses when she poured her heart out while talking to me. I get proposals daily in my inboxes of social media. Mostly gentlemen ask similar questions. They ask about my marital status. Some of them show their sympathy and some of them want to be friends immediately. They can not or don't want to believe that I am happy.  

Aasma told me that one of her school friends proposed her but his proposal was not acceptable. His thoughts made Aasma sick forever. Her friend wanted to help in a unique way. He wanted to give good and safe sex to Aasma without giving hint to his wife and children. 

Aasma went hysterical after hearing this indecent proposal. Being a female she might had some desires but it does not mean that she should accept such proposals. She is not that flirty who is ever ready to keep an eye on her colleague's husband.

" Single woman has no choice."

Such quotes are misleading and give wrong information about single women. Single women have hearts and they know their responsibility towards society. They do not come from zoo or jungle. Why would they try to grab another women's husbands?

When two mature people agree to live together or start loving each other, both of them should be blamed for their act rather than cursing a female only. A man has full right to live his life in whatever way then why can't we accept freedom for women.Mostly working women do not need financial help these days. They want life partners who can understand them. Here I want to add one more thing, single women may have desires but this does not give you right to violate the rules of their personal lives. She may refuse or reject any male's proposal which looks indecent to her. Please don't give free advise to any female who is single. Show your sympathy to poor or needy people. Don't try to be flirty with any female in your first meeting. It reveals your own personality in front of a female. Don't invite her to your house if you still can't respect her choice of living alone. She must be strong and brave heart who has thought of standing against all odds. At least we must respect her choices and let her live with dignity. Aasma and I are part of society. Divorcees and widows are not curse for society. We don't need your sympathy because we know how to deal with problems. Our biggest obstacle is one thought which gives us fear of lifetime. That fear is to be seen or called with special tags. Single is powerful and sounds good. Please do not treat single females like aliens. It would be nice to see acceptance for single women in our society with open hearts. Please do not show me fake respect from tomorrow because I have better judgement power. Now I am leaving this up to you to decide whether to change your mindsets or not.          - Hritu Sodhi


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