I have always supported women with issues and always will. My support does not measure my relationship level with them. Even if the matter does not seek my opinion and still it hurts my viewpoint I take stand, at least. My internet friend feels that afer marriage you just need to go with the flow . It prevents you from unnecessary arguments. We talk often. She feels solace in sharing her personal life with me. I help her puke all her anger/opinion on chat. We are chatting for 2 years now and it was the time I had to talk to her about her personal life. It was the time to take the role of an agony aunt.
Rather than calming her with words like, hhmm, oh, ok, OMG, I wrote real words.
Do you love your Mother In Law?
On which she said, Of course not. I have to live under her authoritarianism. How can I love her?
Then I asked, I know you love your mother, but why? Can you answerthat?
It is so obvious. I do not have to ask for every little thing. And I can put my opinion before her choice. I feel comfortable when I have a view to share.
exactly. I said.
Let me mail you something. Please read it and share your views. I sent this mail to her.
Try to practice the same with you MIL (mother in law) like you do with your mother. Do not go against her, instead keep your options in front of her and ask to choose one for you. If she comes up with her choice, at least have a look. She might have good taste. If not, then give genuine reason and put multiple other options and ask her to pick one for you. This way you can have your choice and her sentiments are maintained. Not only this, put your views as well. Discuss, do not argue. Yes, same applies to you. If you feel the discussion is changing to an argument, stop immediately. Take some time and when you feel there is a right momentstart the conversation. Also, be a good listener. The more you will listen the more you will build a good foundation. Always remember, elders have experienced life. They may have valid point but that does not mean it applies to current period. Convincing someone with love is an art. Not everybody has that skill, but we can at least try. Do not distress your heart or soul by controlling your emotions. If you keep controlling yourself it will definitely come out someday and that might ruin your reputation. Let the things come out at the spot.
I hope this mail finds you solace.
Your good friend.
For many weeks I kept thinking about her and read my own email 5 times. She never replied. Then suddenly one morning I get this pop up notification on my messenger.
I cannot thank you enough for the email. You must be thinking how insolence of me not to respond on such a lovely care. But believe me. I read every word carefully and more than 10 times and treated my mother in law in the same way I would do to my mother. I must tell you this. Our relation has changed. I have started feeling a certain level of confertensswith her. Not much but I now hope to build a great connection with her in future. I still have a few questions to ask you, but let me thank you for guiding me on this. It is nothing less than a boon.
Let's chat tonight after dinner, if you are free.
Her email made me smile and gave my heart relaxation.
That's all folks. I hope all the married girls take a step ahead and try to talk and not just distress their soul.