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This heading may shock you but yes I am really proud to be a widow. Why should not I ?
Being a widow is one of the saddest superstitions still prevalent in India. The deeply embedded patriarchy in our country found one more way to assert its superiority over the ‘weaker sex’ by delegating widows as unlucky and inauspicious.
Widows are not allowed to re-marry, they must always wear white, they must not wear jewelry, not participate in festivities and so on and so forth.
The social stigma of being a widow is a comment upon the way the mindset of the people still functions. Widowers, on the other hand, face no such social constraints. It is even considered unlucky to see a widow while going out- it might signify that the work you are going out for will not be completed successfully.
Widows are often considered to be cursed, meaning they are thrown out by their families for fear of spreading their bad luck.
Today, nearly 15,000 widows live in Vrindavan. Although it is believed they were first drawn for religious reasons centuries ago, many widows now come to this city of 4,000 temples to escape abuse in their home villages -- or are banished by their husbands' families so they won't inherit property. It's not about one city. Widows are being treated like this in every city.
I have collected these facts from internet and other sources.
Until a few decades ago, widows were often accused of causing their husbands' deaths -- the mother-in-law in Hindi films would accuse the widow of "eating her son" alive. Even now, "unlucky" widows are scorned for remarrying. This is a male dominated society where they can't raise hands to give life to a widow but they have full right to comment on the character of a widow.
"Widows are untouchables" a very learned person told me while talking on social evils. Another well behaved man told me that he would rather kill a widow than seeing her remarried. Why does she wants to re-marry? That gentleman said in anger. I was about to ask him about his remarriage. That gentleman was a widower who got remarried two months after his first wife's death. I know a person who got married 3 times.
One day I was sitting idle in my cabin and heard whispers coming out of my room.
Two young boys were commenting on my dressing style. They were surprised to see a widow who was looking modern and wearing everything which was prohibited for her. I gently called them inside and made them sit comfortably in front of me. I did not scold them for what I had heard. I simply told them not to pass harsh comments on a widow. It was not their mistake. Our environment is responsible for such foolish assumptions.
In a recent incident I was declared bad luck by a so called 'Gyani Baba'. He told my neighbour not to keep relations with me because I am unlucky. In his opinion my husband died because of my bad karma.
I write articles on social evils not because I am hurt but because I can't see other widows being ill treated like this. I am a strong woman who never usually go upset with these type of talks.
I am born and brought up in metro cities like chandigarh and lucknow where I have earned respect for my qualities.
Now, I am seeing another part of my society who believes in superstitions.
One of my male friend's wife don't like me because I am a widow. In her opinion widows are sexual maniacs who can sleep with any male to satisfy their lust.
It's unbelievable to hear these things in 21st century. I am very much in my senses while writing this article.
I was once told to leave a party early because Suhagan ceremony was about to be done in their house.
By the way I am proud to be a widow. I did not beg for food and clothes from society. I am multi talented and can earn money for my family. I did not shed tears on the death of my husband because I had to get up for my kids who are my responsibilities. I took everything on my shoulders and just move on. My family supported me and friends encouraged me to live life with pride. I feel suffocated when uneducated people pity on my fate. I think I am doing much better than those males who just copy paste from internet or are involved in crimes. I don't rape men, I don't kill dreams of others to fulfil my dreams. My husband wouldn't be happy to see me crying and shedding tears rather he would be happy now to see me more responsible and a person with so much pride and confidence to lift other's life. It's really unfortunate that people are not ready to change. All women are not helpless. If we can't wipe tears from eyes, we don't have right to comment on a widow's life. Every widow is not a sex maniac. She can live life with pride and not necessarily with a male. Male colleagues may be her friends only.
I can't change everyone but I can change my surroundings. It's good to step into a digital world or use gadgets to look smart but it's really important to change your mind sets.
Social and generational changes are much required now. People should not believe all this, if someone is a widow its not her fault. Please make space for them in society. They are already suffering from loneliness don't add to their plight by sidelining them. A Widow is as much a human as is a married women . The happenings in your life are because of your fate not due to presence of a widow. There is always hope wherever there is effort. I want to see every widow independently living in a modern society with respect and love.

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